Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses: One in five people will experience a depressive disorder requiring treatment at some point in their life. Even if you are not among the 20% affected, the likelihood of having a depressed person in your close personal environment is quite high. The idea that men are less frequently depressed than women is a myth. Men are simply more likely to ignore and suppress their depression.

 

Depression as a Challenge for Marriage and Partnerships

 

If one’s partner develops depression, it can also be a heavy burden on the unaffected partner. Initially, feelings of guilt often arise—blaming oneself for the other’s illness—before these emotions may later turn into frustration toward the depressed partner. A partner’s depressive illness is emotionally exhausting and can put love and relationships to the test.

 

As with many illnesses, early detection increases the chances of recovery. But how can one recognize if their partner is suffering from depression?

 

Recognizing and Interpreting Depression Can Be Difficult

 

Depression can completely change a person. At the same time, those suffering from depression can often mask their struggles and hide them entirely. They laugh, celebrate, and work like everyone else, creating the impression that everything is fine. This is why a partner’s or close relative’s depression often goes unnoticed for a long time.

 

However, there are some symptoms and warning signs that partners, friends, and family should be alert to.

 

Early Warning Signs and Symptoms of Depression

 

Depression manifests differently in each person. The illness presents a wide range of symptoms, which can vary in severity. Not all depressive individuals will exhibit all symptoms at once, but if several of the following typical signs appear together, loved ones should take notice:

 

Low Mood & Negative Thoughts

 

Not all depressed people are necessarily sad. Instead, they often feel numb, as if they cannot experience any emotions—neither joy nor sorrow.

 

Negative thoughts dominate their everyday life, ranging from hopelessness and pessimism to feelings of emptiness and worthlessness.

 

Social Withdrawal & Loss of Interest

 

People suffering from depression withdraw from social life. They avoid meeting friends and participating in social events. Over time, they lose interest in activities and hobbies they once enjoyed.

 

Even in relationships, they may distance themselves from their partner. A common symptom is also a loss of sexual desire.

 

Sleep Problems

 

Depressed individuals often experience sleep disturbances. They may have difficulty falling asleep, wake up frequently during the night, or wake up too early and be unable to fall back asleep. Conversely, some suffer from excessive sleepiness.

 

Lack of Motivation

 

Depression makes it increasingly difficult for individuals to manage daily life. They seem exhausted, slow, and unmotivated, avoiding social interactions and responsibilities.

 

Anxiety & Guilt Feelings

 

Because depressed individuals often become very anxious, it can be difficult to distinguish depression from an anxiety disorder. Additionally, they frequently feel guilty, believing they are personally responsible for their condition and have “failed.”

 

Difficulty Concentrating

 

Depressed individuals are often preoccupied with their inner turmoil, leading to severe concentration difficulties. They struggle to process information or think clearly, though this symptom is rarely linked to depression.

 

Changes in Eating Habits

 

Depression can cause changes in eating behavior—either loss of appetite or excessive eating, leading to noticeable weight loss or gain in a short period.

 

Physical Symptoms

 

Depression can also manifest in physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive problems, and unexplained pains that do not respond to treatment.

 

Irritability, Impulsivity, and Outbursts of Anger

 

Especially in men, depression can be accompanied by increased irritability and sudden outbursts of anger. They may not understand why they are upset and feel their reactions are inappropriate.

 

Increased Risk-Taking

 

Another possible male-specific symptom is engaging in risky behaviors, such as reckless driving or extreme sports. If your partner suddenly starts taking unnecessary risks, pay attention.

 

Alcohol & Substance Abuse

 

A common coping mechanism, particularly in men, is using alcohol or drugs to suppress their struggles. While this may temporarily distract or numb them, substance abuse ultimately worsens depression.

 

Suicidal Thoughts

 

Statements like, “My life has no meaning,” “I’m just a burden to you,” or “I can’t take this anymore” should raise red flags. If your partner expresses such thoughts, talk to them about it. Openly discussing suicidal feelings can be a huge relief for those affected and sometimes helps them gain distance from these thoughts.

 

How Can I Help My Depressed Partner?

 

Educating yourself about your partner’s illness is a crucial first step in supporting them. It is important to understand and accept that depression is an illness, not a choice.

 

If you suspect that your partner is depressed, address your concerns. Let them know that you care about their well-being and explain the changes you’ve noticed.

 

Avoid giving unsolicited advice or trying to cheer them up, but encourage them to seek professional help. Modern psychiatry and psychotherapy offer many effective approaches for treating depression.

 

Make it clear that you are there to support them and that they can talk to you at any time. However, avoid pressuring them into conversations or activities.

 

How to Take Care of Yourself When Your Partner Has Depression

 

If your partner is depressed, there is a risk that you may become overwhelmed, which can strain the relationship. If both partners withdraw from friends, family, and social activities, the depressive behavior can “spread” to the healthy partner.

 

It is essential to take care of yourself, too. Make sure to maintain your social life, take breaks, and engage in activities that bring you joy. Seeking support from family, friends, or even joining a support group for relatives of depressed individuals can be very helpful.

 

Ideally, the non-depressed partner should be involved in treatment. If both partners understand the illness and support each other, a relationship can withstand the challenges that depression brings.

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